I awoke with the song, Valerie, in my head and after dropping my youngest little angel at school I headed off to Diss to visit a new client. Yvonne was unable to make the journey to my house, so it couldn't have come at a better time, as my cabin fever was in full flow.
I have been trying to live much more in the now recently, so with Kiss FM on full blast, singing along to Amy Winehouse's new cover of .....yup - Valerie, I relished the beautiful Suffolk countryside in Autumn. The colours are just amazing, lit by glorious sunshine. Hooray, a beautiful day in the 'hood!
OK, so there's a but coming! Yvonne had requested that I conducted the reading out of her home, and suggested The Scole Inn, a stone's throw from her house. Two years ago I filmed at the Scole Inn for a programme called Seeing The Dead. A series that has never seen the light of day and is now cluttering the shelves at ITV.
During that time, I was going through the most incredible roller coaster of emotions, deeply unhappy, I was on the edge of cracking up and the only control I had was with my own body, bulimia was my only friend.
I look back at that time and shudder at my state of mind as I tackled work, being a mother, and feeling deeply unloved. Yet somehow, I went into automatic pilot and soldiered on living on hope, spirituality and coffee! So revisiting these haunts (pardon the pun) is tough and cathartic. In the past few months, I have discovered that the only way to erase a painful memory is to go back and relive it in a different way.
Yesterday, I nearly jumped ship and shared with a friend my fears revisiting the haunted location, he simply said you can't let Yvonne down, she needs you. He was right of course, and I knew I just had to be brave. Ignoring my sat nav screaming at me to turn left, I shot past the turning to Yvonne's house and there in front of me stood the imposing building. I stared at it for a minute and then took in a deep breathe and turned the car round and collected my client.
As soon as Yvonne came out of her house I knew it was all going to be alright. This lovely lady suffers from a condition that makes it difficult for her to walk and as I helped her into my car I felt her amazing aura.
So, as we entered the reception of the hotel, instantly I recognised Debbie the manageress who had been one of the "witnesses" on the series. Thank you for the warm welcome Debbie!
I had brought a DVD of the episode with me to show Debbie, and Yvonne and I watched it with her. I haven't watched it for such a long time, I hardly recognised myself which was a good thing! The Scole Inn was occupied by a beautiful spirit named Emma and her lover John. Emma was in love with a man who was not her husband, he later punished her by taking her life.
Debbie was whisked away for a meeting, so Yvonne and I began the reading. Immediately, I felt her terrible loneliness. I picked up on the death of male who was very close to her and there was no doubt in my mind that he was her true soul mate. They had always had each other and then he had left her very suddenly, a matter of weeks ago, leaving Yvonne desperately missing her beloved husband. Michael had many messages for his wife, all, I am pleased to say, made perfect sense to her including his urge to get her writing her first novel. After years in the navy Micheal's passion led him to writing and was a historian of military history, his final book will be coming out next year. He finished it weeks before his death and was thrilled.
As I listened to Yvonne share her precious memories with Michael she explained how she had 13 wonderful years with a man she knew from the moment she met him, was the "one". "How lucky you have been to have had that time with your true soul mate" I commented. Yvonne smiled and said "I know, I was very lucky" It was at that moment, I had a moment!
I suddenly realised that it has taken me two years of hurt and desperation to try to understand why certain events had taken place. Its simple, the universe needed me to realise and embrace feelings of loss and compared to Yvonne I had got off lightly. But, I still knew how her pain felt and this pain can be physical and emotional. It was all relative, I felt I was being relieved of a curse in some way.
I shared stories with my new friend and thanked her for asking me to come. Yvonne is a deeply spiritual person and I admire her greatly. It was privilege to meet her.
Debbie rejoined us and asked if I would like to come and do a talk at the hotel on December 13th. I found myself saying "I would love to!", and am very much looking forward to it. And if that wasn't enough another man approached me and said he had many hotel and pub clients who may be interested too!
Yvonne and I hugged each other goodbye and I smiled all the way home. Funnily enough, when I got back I had an e mail from someone related to that awful period of my life. I knew it was going to be more rubbish and sent it back before I had became tempted to read it.
Oh and by the way, guess what Yvonne's favourite sister is called -Valerie!
Thank you Yvonne for giving me permission to share this story with others and thank you for being you. Thank you Michael too, there is no doubt you planned the whole thing!
On another note.
Yesterday, a friend of mine was "outed" for writing a rather cheeky blog entitiled The Secret Diaries of a TV Controller! Whether he was responsible, or not, I dont know but he did nag me to write a blog and for that I am very grateful as it is immensly helpful, thanks Domxxxxx
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