Seeing the dead for the first time

When you have a weird job like me, it creates some interesting reactions from people. Some run over the hills and far away, others ask if I am sure I'm not "a medium, not a small?" (hilarious!), but most, are curious and ask "how did you know you were a medium?".

My wonderful Welsh Grand-Parents (maternal) were psychic, my Grand-Father was a Phrenologist - he read the bumps on people's heads - and my Grand-Mother was a Medium. When they arrived from the valleys, I was so excited. Violet made my childhood magical, her battered white suitcase contained two fairies from the forest - but they were very shy and I was not allowed to peek. As a child you can imagine the overwhelming urge, but I never did.

When her original ivory Ouija board came out, I watched with amazement as my mother and her friends had their questions answered by a spirit through the planchette. On reflection, I can't imagine allowing my children to witness something like this, let alone be present in the house, but that was then.

Sadly, Violet died on Mother's Day when I was 21, but before she left she told me that I would inherit her gift.

Fast forward to the year 2000, living in London, and looking and feeling something that resembled a beached whale, aka six months pregnant. It was the weekly girls get together with some close friends, Sarah had been to see a clairvoyant and was relaying her fore-told fortune. "My grand mother was a psychic” I piped up. “God, you kept that quiet, come on then, try it out on us”? I found myself saying “why not”?

I knew nothing about palms, but as I looked down at each one, pictures started to form in my head. I described what I was seeing, and was met with gasps of disbelief and comments like “I have never told you that before” and “how do you know that”?

I wasn’t sure if I liked this, I had previously miscarried, what if I “saw” something terrible happening to my unborn baby? I played devils advocate and kept telling myself it was a fluke, but unlike the fairies my curiosity had developed over the years. The following night, back in my kitchen, my Argentine au pair and all her friends were chatting.

Explaining what had happened the night before, I experimented on them this time. It was slightly more complicated as Florence was the only one who spoke fluent English, so she translated for me. I am still mastering the English language, so forget Spanish, but for some inexplicable reason I felt compelled to say words with no clue of their meaning. They did understand though, and there was that chorus of gasps again!

Something was definitely up, a week later Emma knocked on my door, waving a piece of paper under my nose. The headline read “Do You Think You Are Psychic”?, below there were a list of questions. Do you think about someone and then they suddenly phone out of the blue? Do you have a premonition about someone or something, and then it happens? Do you instantly know when to trust or not trust someone, and your instinct turns out to be right? “Come to our ten week psychic development course and discover your psychic potential. Coincidence? I now know there is such thing.

Heidi Sawyer was nothing like I expected a psychic teacher to be. There was no a stitch of crushed velvet, and no hooped earrings. I had been promised that despite my fears of getting involved in the Spirit World, all would be fine for me and my unborn child and in fact the baby would love the meditation. And she did, for two hours every Thursday night she seemed totally relaxed and my constant nausea disappeared during the classes.

Right from the start I was able to see auras, which for those of you who don’t know, are our energy field around us, suddenly I felt I was in a constant commercial for Ready Break as I started to look at everyone in a new light - literally!

By week four I had an incredible moment, and I knew at that point, my life was about to change for ever. Upon opening my eyes, after a meditation, I noticed that there were more people, than when we started! Between two of my fellow students, sat the most beautiful black woman, dressed in a rainbow of colours. Her long tunic glowed in oranges, reds and yellows and she wore a large turban on her head to match. This amazing vision projected an incredible smile, I felt nothing but love. To the left, stood an enormous white apparition with less clarity but I believe it was an angel as there was a sense of safety and wisdom surrounding me.

Finally, I had proof that there was life after death.

A Mars a day.....can send you mad.

According to a good friend who is into all things astrological, Mars is in retrograde (whatever that means). If, like me you are having a challenging time right now and questioning every area of your life, the red planet is totally reponsible.

I don't think there has been one month this year, when the big bad emotional truck hasn't hurtled towards me sending me flying into yet another storm. "Lucky you!" declares Cosmo - our local chrystal shop owner and full time guru. Stunned, I stare at him and ask the obvious "er...... because?". "Because, the universe has given you the opportunity to learn so much and when you come out the otherside you will be better for it!"

OK, so he has point, but non-stop, all year round!? I left his beautiful and deeply energising shop, and thought about what he had said all the way home. What had I learnt, and what am I going to do about it? Once I decided there was no point hiding under the bed, (which is what I do when my 6 year old daughter can't decide what to wear), I realised you can offer help and some people will take it, some people will even take and then spit it right back at you, but it's their stuff and I have to focus on doing what's right for me. The only way to really help people is by example, it was time to get back to what I believed in and not allow emotional vampires to drain me any more.

So, recently I have started to pour my energy again into what I believe in - love, happiness, sucess, and magic. Whilst I have been hurt very badly by some people who meant so much to me, out of the ashes has risen some incredible friends, people who have showed me the most amazing love and understanding and I appreciate them more than I can say.

Yesterday, I started to see a difference in my life, a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Patience does pay off, there is a reason for everything that happens in life. It's time to focus on the good people in our lives and cherish them, the bad don't really exist, they are just there to remind us of who we shouldn't be.

I am now in pursuit of real happiness for myself and my family and friends. I am licking my wounds and moving on and trusting that it will be all wonderful in the end. So to all those who thought you could destroy me, I wish you well with your lives and if you keep on trucking, I won't be on that high way, I'm afraid. More importantly, thank you to those who have been there for me - and you know who you are.

And as for you Mars..................................!

2012 The End of the World?

Whilst in London last week, I was given a number of publications to review for a radio station. As I drove home, my boot bursting, I relished the thought of indulging in a good book, all destined for the Mind Body and Spirit section of all good book stores, but which one first?

I chose The Reincarnation of Edgar Case by Wynn Free (fabulous name!) and David Wilcock, an inspiring read for those who are looking for answers on the purpose of life, the after-life and beyond. I am struggling to put it down at the moment, especially as I should be ploughing through the infamous mailing list (500 ish), yet it is so thought provoking and leaves me hungry to keep turning the pages.

Edgar Cayce (1877-1945), was regarded as a psychic, philosopher and healer. People came to him in their hundreds to seek his help and guidance. Part of his legacy was complete transcripts of over 1600 readings he had given in the latter part of his life. His son Hugh Lynn Cayce, later founded the Association for Research and Enlightenment (ARE) and the Edgar Cayce Foundation which assists thousands of people to explore and study those transcripts.

Cayce was regarded as "perhaps the greatest psychic that the United States ever produced". He predicted forthcoming events with great accuracy. Amongst those were the First and Second World War, the independence of India and the 1929 stock market crash. Fifteen years prior to the event, he prophesied the creation of the State of Israel. Yet one of his most disturbing fore sights was his concern for "vast geographical upheavals which by the year 1998 will result in the destruction of New York, the disappearance of most of Japan, and a cataclysmic change in Northern Europe".

So far, I understand he led a fairly normal life, he chain smoked, spent too much money and at times was impatient with others around him. As a fellow psychic, I can't tell you what a relief it was to read that bit! However, according to the book he is back amongst us, in the incarnation of David Wilcock. Before you sceptics out there start groaning check out:

http://www.divinecosmos.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=343&Itemid=70

There is definitely more than a similarity there between the two men,don't you think? Despite his reluctance to this claim, according to the author, Wilcock found it, in the end difficult to disprove and is backed by ARE members. He, like Cayce, has an extraordinary psychic talent.

Personally, I do believe that we reincarnate, and have experienced many past life regressions. We have far too many life lessons to learn, to cram into one life time, although, I think I am packing quite a few in, this life time! The purpose, in my opinion is to eventually understand nothing but unconditional love, and we then move on.

We will get there in the end, and according to the book, the end is sooner than you think, 2012 to be precise. For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, 2012 is the end of The Mayan Calender and some say the end of the world. Even NASA is predicting the sun will reverse its own magnetic poles during 2012 as result of reaching the end of the current 11-year sunspot cycle. So, something is going on. Just google 2012 and once you have skipped the section on The Olympics you will find a host of theories and information.

Now, before you start walking up down Oxford Street with a sandwich board, let me explain. Most spiritual people believe that there is something extremely significant about this date, but in a positive way. The belief is that the world will end "as we know it". To expand on that, we are already seeing more and more people seeking a spiritual path of consciousness. A number of my clients, for example, would never have dreamt of seeking spiritual advice as little as ten years ago. Therefore, by 2012, this will spiritual quest within most of us will be complete.

With events, such as 9/11 and the fighting that prevails between religions, life becomes a total confusion. It begs the eternal question "why are we here?". I don't have all the answers but I am working on it every day, either through outside knowledge or through my own life experiences.

I feel sure of one thing though, good will overcome evil in the end and during the years running up to 2012 we will see enormous events taking place. Some, will appear positive and some negative but in the end there will be a reason for them all. In my own little world, both those around me and myself are experiencing huge challenges and life changes.

So watch this space in both your personal life and the world around you. Remember karma, the Law of Attraction and the Law of Reflection. Life is always your choice, and even those who may seem to have their eyes firmly shut, will have to open them soon enough. Meanwhile, I am going back to my book!

Helping find Madeleine McCann

Madeleine McCann has been missing for more than six months now, and as a mother myself, I cannot imagine what it must be like for a parent to try and understand what happened that night and wonder whether she is safe. Our family went on a Mark Warner holiday to Italy 9 years ago. Mike and I dined in the hotel restaurant leaving the children under the watch of the patrolling nannies. Of course, hindsight is a good thing and like most parents, I imagine, I will never leave them again. Yet, as a small child I lived in a very large Old Rectory and the distance between my room and my parents' were was comparable. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, and no-one is perfect.

As a psychic I have tried to "tune in" to her whereabouts but I choose not to "see" whether she is alive or, god forbid, dead. I believe, if asked, I would simply help locate her.

Last year, one Friday afternoon a client rang me deeply distressed, as her brother had left a suicide note and was now missing. After calming her down, we began working together to find him. I knew we were up against the clock, but if we were quick enough and stayed focussed we would locate him.

Over this distressing and exhausting weekend, I sat with my 'phone clamped to one ear, staring at a map guiding Debbie and her distraught sister across miles of countryside. This was a race against time, as I frantically tried to decipher psychic messages, symbols and words "given" to me. On at least three occasions, I would be drawn to a particular town and just as the girls arrived there, the police would confirm that Andy had withdrawn cash from the town's branch, we missed him by no more than an hour each time.

I had to think laterally, but it was so difficult with Debbie sobbing on the 'phone. I began to see a church, and a golf course over and over again, but it made no sense as we carried on looking. As Saturday night loomed, I made it very clear that under no circumstances were both girls to go to sleep at the same time, as I felt their brother may call. Late that night, Debbie rang and at first her screams were so hysterical I thought we were too late. When she had taken a few deep breaths, she explained that she had been so wracked with tiredness, she had fallen asleep for no more than half an hour. Of course, in that time he had left a message on her mobile saying his last good-byes. I will never forget hearing the chilling message Andy left for his family.

I felt I had failed, but despite this I was determined to continue with the search, praying that it wouldn't all be in vain. The girls were back on the road and this time I felt as if I was in the car with them. I "saw" a hotel by a stretch of water and fir trees. I felt they were very close to something, minutes later Debbie passed a hotel fitting my description, I told them to turn around and go inside and look for him.

As I stayed on the 'phone, I heard her walk into the hotel and ask reception if they recognised the photo' of her brother. The man behind the desk said "no" but I knew we were at the right place, so I insisted she find the manager. She did, and to my relief, I heard him say he did recognise Andy as a guest at the hotel. Debbie and her sister went radio silent for around twenty minutes as they went to search his room; it seemed like an eternity. Finally, they called back with bitter sweet news, his belongings were there, but no sign of Andy.

Moments later there was a call , Andy had been spotted running away from another relative's house just up the road in Stokenchurch. He was alive, but how long for? Both sisters wanted to rush over and find him; I felt this was the wrong thing to do and persuaded them to sit tight. It paid off; their distressed brother returned to the hotel room where the girls finally managed talk him out of harming himself.

Two long days of hell, I was exhausted so I can't imagine what the family were going through, but all worth it. By the way, the fir trees were on all the stationary at the hotel, as it was relevant to it's name. I believe that information I am picking up on has to be thought out laterally. The golf course was my local club Stoke (not that I play), and coupled with the church I was seeing.......... for me it suddenly made sense. That was a good lesson for me.

I desperately want to help find little Maddie, not for the money thanks, or the credit, but because it is deeply frustrating having information and being unable to use it. I have contacted all sorts of media and the police - and of course the family, but keep hitting a brick wall. I have heard that other psychics have been offering their services so it's understandable that I am not getting through.

Again, as a mother I would try anything, but then I am not in their position. However, if someone out there is willing to be my man on the ground and is good at lateral thinking, I am here waiting. I can say that already a number of things I have picked up on tie in with certain events. All these have been logged and dated and sent to a friend in Spain. Ironically, I even have friend, whose mother owns the apartment above the one where Maddie was taken. I feel so close, yet so far away.

A Few Predictions.

My mentor and gorgeous mate Nick Thorogood suggested I put some predictions on my blog. And since I have nothing else to report as I have spent another day bashing out information on my data base (452) I thought, why not!

So here goes, hopefully this will resonate with the you.

Lauren, your key is by the back door.

Christina, (Chrissy) your mother is sorry that she left you so suddenly but it was her time and your father needs you now more than ever, it's time to heal the rift.

Charlie M, your brother is very sick and will take a long time to get well, but he will get well, keep the faith.

Rowena J, you must be patient and don't give up the studying yet. I know you want to throw in the towel but it will all pay off in the end, I promise.

There is a food company (small around 150 employees) near Worcester. This company is in financial trouble but can be rescued. I feel it may be family run, please stop arguing and pull together it is your only hope.

The J who left Chester to head west yesterday or could have been the day before, you are in total denial and long term this will bring you nothing but karmic pain.

Luca, you will get the job, be patient.

Phew! OK let's see if this means anything to anyone and I will endeavour to put some messages at the end of each of my blogs. So watch this space.

In Memory of Michael

Having spent the last couple of weeks creating my data base, which is the most tedious yet necessary job in the world, I have neglected my blog! Mike has almost been driven to distraction with my hourly updates on this task. So, as I have reached 350 people thus far ( and only a squillion more to go), I decided to have a break and instead share the rather interesting day I had yesterday with you.

I awoke with the song, Valerie, in my head and after dropping my youngest little angel at school I headed off to Diss to visit a new client. Yvonne was unable to make the journey to my house, so it couldn't have come at a better time, as my cabin fever was in full flow.

I have been trying to live much more in the now recently, so with Kiss FM on full blast, singing along to Amy Winehouse's new cover of .....yup - Valerie, I relished the beautiful Suffolk countryside in Autumn. The colours are just amazing, lit by glorious sunshine. Hooray, a beautiful day in the 'hood!

OK, so there's a but coming! Yvonne had requested that I conducted the reading out of her home, and suggested The Scole Inn, a stone's throw from her house. Two years ago I filmed at the Scole Inn for a programme called Seeing The Dead. A series that has never seen the light of day and is now cluttering the shelves at ITV.

During that time, I was going through the most incredible roller coaster of emotions, deeply unhappy, I was on the edge of cracking up and the only control I had was with my own body, bulimia was my only friend.

I look back at that time and shudder at my state of mind as I tackled work, being a mother, and feeling deeply unloved. Yet somehow, I went into automatic pilot and soldiered on living on hope, spirituality and coffee! So revisiting these haunts (pardon the pun) is tough and cathartic. In the past few months, I have discovered that the only way to erase a painful memory is to go back and relive it in a different way.

Yesterday, I nearly jumped ship and shared with a friend my fears revisiting the haunted location, he simply said you can't let Yvonne down, she needs you. He was right of course, and I knew I just had to be brave. Ignoring my sat nav screaming at me to turn left, I shot past the turning to Yvonne's house and there in front of me stood the imposing building. I stared at it for a minute and then took in a deep breathe and turned the car round and collected my client.

As soon as Yvonne came out of her house I knew it was all going to be alright. This lovely lady suffers from a condition that makes it difficult for her to walk and as I helped her into my car I felt her amazing aura.

So, as we entered the reception of the hotel, instantly I recognised Debbie the manageress who had been one of the "witnesses" on the series. Thank you for the warm welcome Debbie!

I had brought a DVD of the episode with me to show Debbie, and Yvonne and I watched it with her. I haven't watched it for such a long time, I hardly recognised myself which was a good thing! The Scole Inn was occupied by a beautiful spirit named Emma and her lover John. Emma was in love with a man who was not her husband, he later punished her by taking her life.

Debbie was whisked away for a meeting, so Yvonne and I began the reading. Immediately, I felt her terrible loneliness. I picked up on the death of male who was very close to her and there was no doubt in my mind that he was her true soul mate. They had always had each other and then he had left her very suddenly, a matter of weeks ago, leaving Yvonne desperately missing her beloved husband. Michael had many messages for his wife, all, I am pleased to say, made perfect sense to her including his urge to get her writing her first novel. After years in the navy Micheal's passion led him to writing and was a historian of military history, his final book will be coming out next year. He finished it weeks before his death and was thrilled.

As I listened to Yvonne share her precious memories with Michael she explained how she had 13 wonderful years with a man she knew from the moment she met him, was the "one". "How lucky you have been to have had that time with your true soul mate" I commented. Yvonne smiled and said "I know, I was very lucky" It was at that moment, I had a moment!

I suddenly realised that it has taken me two years of hurt and desperation to try to understand why certain events had taken place. Its simple, the universe needed me to realise and embrace feelings of loss and compared to Yvonne I had got off lightly. But, I still knew how her pain felt and this pain can be physical and emotional. It was all relative, I felt I was being relieved of a curse in some way.

I shared stories with my new friend and thanked her for asking me to come. Yvonne is a deeply spiritual person and I admire her greatly. It was privilege to meet her.

Debbie rejoined us and asked if I would like to come and do a talk at the hotel on December 13th. I found myself saying "I would love to!", and am very much looking forward to it. And if that wasn't enough another man approached me and said he had many hotel and pub clients who may be interested too!

Yvonne and I hugged each other goodbye and I smiled all the way home. Funnily enough, when I got back I had an e mail from someone related to that awful period of my life. I knew it was going to be more rubbish and sent it back before I had became tempted to read it.

Oh and by the way, guess what Yvonne's favourite sister is called -Valerie!

Thank you Yvonne for giving me permission to share this story with others and thank you for being you. Thank you Michael too, there is no doubt you planned the whole thing!

On another note.

Yesterday, a friend of mine was "outed" for writing a rather cheeky blog entitiled The Secret Diaries of a TV Controller! Whether he was responsible, or not, I dont know but he did nag me to write a blog and for that I am very grateful as it is immensly helpful, thanks Domxxxxx