Six months later, my father kindly treated me to a week at a retreat. We had just moved house and coupled with a family trauma he insisted I had an early Christmas present, a break. I chose an Ayurvedic Retreat in Kent (Tor Spa Retreat). No TVs, no phones, no Internet, no meat and no alcohol! Peace and quiet for seven delicious days, and all I had to do was relax and enjoy the best massages ever!
One week later, I emerged like butterfly from her cocoon, ready to take on the world. I was rested and yet felt quite amazing. A sense of calm enveloped me despite returning to the same old chaos. Once home and with only a few weeks to go till Christmas I realised that I had a big choice to make. A glass of red and a steak or stay feeling this good? I had never been a big drinker but I had noticed that my drinking had increased when under enormous stress and having seen what too much drink has done to others it had spooked me.
I chose to give my health a chance and I loved how I felt and wasn't ready to give that up for anything. I found it remarkably easy, despite being surrounded by fellow drinkers, the better I felt the more I wanted that feeling. I replaced all the bad stuff with lots of healthy alternatives and each day I reaped the rewards. Strangely, I was met with a very different reaction to my abstinence compared to smoking. From ignorance and fear to total stupidity as friends, acquaintances and strangers discovered my new life choice. Looks of total disbelief or even a sympathetic smile as they assumed I was a regular to AA. After all why else would I not be drinking!
I was taken a back when one mother at school who came to stay said that I made her "feel bad" just because I was drinking tea and not sharing her Rose. I hadn't said a word, she clearly just looked at me and it reflected back something in her own conscience.
When we first moved to Woodbridge, another mother asked if I would like to go out with her and a group of her friends one evening. Just as I was about to accept her offer, she interrupted me and said "oh that's right you don't drink do you? Perhaps we should stick to day time!" I hastened to inform her that people who don't drink do actually still go out in the evenings and are capable of having a good time!
As a non-drinker, I have begun to realise how inter-woven alcohol is in our society. If you have a cold people suggest you warm up a glass of brandy, if you are stressed you are advised to go home and have a nice glass of wine. Try finding a funny birthday card these days in Smith's that doesn't have an alcoholic connotation. A whole night's conversation can revolve around booze, the wine you tried on holiday, how pissed someone got at a wedding, and guess who is the designated driver at the end of the evening. Last year, I offered to drive a group of friends home from a ball. There I was sober as a judge, herding cats out of a building into the snow and into the car. It took over half an hour just to get six people into a car.
I know there will be some who haven't even reached this paragraph, thinking how boring I am being. That's the life of a teetotaller, we are assumed dull, ridiculous and even weird and yes it can be tough and lonely. But I choose health, I choose to give my body a chance, I choose (at my age) not to look like an idiot swaying about, falling over furniture, into bushes, or having to apologise for my behaviour. I am a mother and therefore a role model. I choose to give the next half of my life a chance. Is that so bad? Only time will tell.
Trust me, I haven't been an angel in the past and it was fun while it lasted. But now, I love waking up feeling good, I love living a healthy life and if I fuck up I will have no one to blame but myself because I knew what I was doing.
I don't miss the booze, fags, sugar etc. I strongly believe that if you replace these things with healthy supplements and lovely healthy food your brain will realise what you are doing and it makes cravings so much easier to conquer.
If would like to join me and you need further help, come and see me! It's NOT as scarey as you think.
