I had the pleasure of spending some time this afternoon with a girlfriend who is an academic. At present she is studying Jung and we have some fascinating discussions about spirituality.
"I wish I had been interested in all of this when I was younger" I mused. "Perhaps I would have learnt so much more and had more time ahead of me to continue my quest for knowledge.
"Ah,but Jung said, that most of us reach this point half way through life and likened it to the sun rising, then reaching a point of full potential. Then when we have reached or understood our purpose we continue till we sleep", she explained.
I have often questioned why so many of my clients are an average age of around 45. This is not to say that I see clients in their teens and in the twilight years of their lives too. However, the so called victims of the mid-life crisis are my most frequent visitor.
I meditated this question and an explanation came to me. What if the mid life crisis wasn't hormonal? What if it was spiritual? My understanding is that when we are born, we are pure and have just taken on human form, yet still very much in touch with our spirit. When I held all my babies for the first time, I looked into their eyes and felt their incredible knowing. For me, I had no doubt that they had lived some form of life before. Children may comment on past lives, a familiarity at the very least with a place they have never visited before, and at the most, incredible knowledge which has been researched and can not be explained. Or perhaps, there really is something that frightens them in their bedroom, that you the adult can not see, and what about that imaginary friend?
Early in life, we may be conditioned by our parents, teachers, peers, and so forth. We are taught what to believe and not to believe. The differences between "right" and "wrong". As we grow up some of us are driven by a religion, or a family tradition, a culture or some other following.
During our teens, we might rebel and fight to get out of this establishment desperately looking for that incredible feeling again of freedom and wonder. Some find it in drink and drugs for a while, a blind alley which has inevitable consequences. Others, stop kicking and screaming and decide that losing yourself in conforming with studies etc, will lead to Utopia.
So fast forward to the point where, there you are. You have the job you "should" have, the spouse your parents would approve of, children perhaps, your home is perfect and you have everything in place.
So why the hell do you feel as if there is still something missing? Why do so many people feel a void, a lack of something inside them. Or is already going really wrong? Apparently its called the mid-life crisis!
Is it love that's missing? Possibly, if your partner is not your soul-mate. Is it knowledge, possibly, even the most academic jobs can become boring if you are not getting any personal reward.
Drowning in booze or drugs, a new car, a quick one with the secretary etc is just another blind alley driven by car named fear. Time for a reality check, time to stop listening to your head (your conditioning), and listen to your heart (your soul).
You have reached half way in your life, and you know the second half of your life is the journey back into spirit form. It's time to trust yourself and follow your heart. That is why we begin to question our life and it's purpose and why some have come to see me and people like me.
I am no guru, no preacher, just a person who has lived a life full of incredible ups and downs. My crisis came and I have learnt that the only way to be happy is follow my heart. Resist it and expect more pain.
Your soul is amazing, and it is all knowing. Your head is full of opinions. When something feels right you know it in your heart, you can really feel it. Spirituality is love and knowledge and much more. But that's just my opinion and you must do what feels right for you.
Saturday 15 March 2008
Wednesday 12 March 2008
The storm before the calm
Something is happening, these amazing winds we are having fill with me with a curious excitement, rather like the film Chocolate,as if something is about to happen. I can't get enough of being out in this weather, in the last month there has been an earthquake and now more extraordinary weather. What's next?
It has taken me a few days to get my head around what happened on Sunday (please see my last blog). I truly believe I was meant to be there, and learn some amazing lessons from that experience. I witnessed the end of a man's 82 years of life, and watched his incredibly dignified wife say good bye to the man who walked her path in life with for 53 years. As she bent over to kiss him goodbye for the last time, her calm composure rocked my soul, leaving me feeling deeply humbled.
I reflected on my own life and how I have shed many many tears for men who have come and gone in my own life, who didn't care about my feelings. Yet, this wonderful amazing woman told me he had been loved and he loved, it was just his time to go, and I knew she felt certain that she would see him again.
This is a major reality check for me. Every day life is changing, go and stand in the wind and feel it. There is so much more to come.
It has taken me a few days to get my head around what happened on Sunday (please see my last blog). I truly believe I was meant to be there, and learn some amazing lessons from that experience. I witnessed the end of a man's 82 years of life, and watched his incredibly dignified wife say good bye to the man who walked her path in life with for 53 years. As she bent over to kiss him goodbye for the last time, her calm composure rocked my soul, leaving me feeling deeply humbled.
I reflected on my own life and how I have shed many many tears for men who have come and gone in my own life, who didn't care about my feelings. Yet, this wonderful amazing woman told me he had been loved and he loved, it was just his time to go, and I knew she felt certain that she would see him again.
This is a major reality check for me. Every day life is changing, go and stand in the wind and feel it. There is so much more to come.
Monday 10 March 2008
There are no shops at the cemetery
As I got into bed last night, I heard a woman's voice outside on the street, she was calling repeatedly to someone in a car. I went to the window and as I looked down I saw it was my neighbour opposite, very distressed. I opened the window and asked her if she was OK, "I think my husband is dead" she said. Another neighbour and friend came out and asked me to get an ambulance.
Dialling 999, I rushed downstairs and my eldest son and I went across the road to help. Albert was slumped in the driver's seat and completely motionless. I knew a male nurse lived a few doors away and woke him and asked him to help.
John lifted Albert out of the car and placed him on his living room floor, with direction via me he began CPR. My son made sweet tea, and I held his wife's hand with one hand and the phone in the other.
The paramedics arrived and every attempt was made to bring this lovely 82 year old back to this earth. I tried to tune in to him, asking him to come back, but was unable to do so. He had driven his wife from France yesterday, and just as he had pulled up outside the house, while his wife had gone to put the lights on...... it was his time to go.
Albert lay on his sitting room floor for around three hours in total, he seemed so peaceful. Seconds after the medical team pronounced his death, I watched him float just above my head.
Yesterday, my oldest friend Samantha and I were discussing people who ignore the things that matter in life, ie love of course.
"There are no shops at the cemetery" she pointed out. At the time, I thought it was a hilarious comment, and so bloody true. But as I stared at Albert on the floor last night, I was sharply reminded of how delicate life is. You never know when it is your time, and the only thing that mattered to him at the end, was his wife and soul mate of 53 years.
Albert wont be shopping today, he won't be looking for a pat on the back from someone, it doesn't matter to him now what he did for a living, what mistakes he might of made, what his surrounding were. All that matters is that he was loved and he loved. Because love is an energy and we are an energy, so that's all we can take with us when we die.
RIP
Dialling 999, I rushed downstairs and my eldest son and I went across the road to help. Albert was slumped in the driver's seat and completely motionless. I knew a male nurse lived a few doors away and woke him and asked him to help.
John lifted Albert out of the car and placed him on his living room floor, with direction via me he began CPR. My son made sweet tea, and I held his wife's hand with one hand and the phone in the other.
The paramedics arrived and every attempt was made to bring this lovely 82 year old back to this earth. I tried to tune in to him, asking him to come back, but was unable to do so. He had driven his wife from France yesterday, and just as he had pulled up outside the house, while his wife had gone to put the lights on...... it was his time to go.
Albert lay on his sitting room floor for around three hours in total, he seemed so peaceful. Seconds after the medical team pronounced his death, I watched him float just above my head.
Yesterday, my oldest friend Samantha and I were discussing people who ignore the things that matter in life, ie love of course.
"There are no shops at the cemetery" she pointed out. At the time, I thought it was a hilarious comment, and so bloody true. But as I stared at Albert on the floor last night, I was sharply reminded of how delicate life is. You never know when it is your time, and the only thing that mattered to him at the end, was his wife and soul mate of 53 years.
Albert wont be shopping today, he won't be looking for a pat on the back from someone, it doesn't matter to him now what he did for a living, what mistakes he might of made, what his surrounding were. All that matters is that he was loved and he loved. Because love is an energy and we are an energy, so that's all we can take with us when we die.
RIP
Sunday 2 March 2008
Finding me
Do you remember a time in your life when you really felt like you? Not something that someone else expected you to be, or worse, who you thought you should should be.
I have been on a bit of a mini adventure in the last week, hence my lack of blogging. Whilst I have known for some time now that the key to happiness is to look within, I'm the plumber who has no trouble fixing other people leaks and dripping taps, yet at home...........!
Everywhere I look, I am reminded that I need to turn everything back on myself and discover who I really am. Even more scarily, according to those who already "get it", I have to learn to love myself!
Most of us know that there is no one in this world who can fill the void we might feel, that sense of something missing. I do know that we don't "need" someone, and I do know that we can't expect anyone to love us unless we can love ourselves first. Yes yes yes, I get that bit, but understanding how to love yourself is for me, akin to being told to learn ancient Hebrew without any books!
Still, I guess it was a start just understanding that this was my task. I have an all knowing girlfriend in London who has learnt this language. This week, she explained in plain English what I needed to do.
"Once you get it Lizzie, it's like learning to drive, when you get the whole steering wheel,pedals,gear thing - you never forget"! Well, that's good news, I mused, just need to find the right formula. But, as I'm digesting this, something struck a cord. My friend tells me I need to go back to a time when I felt like me, the real me. As I lay on the sofa, I felt the strangest feeling, it was as if I had landed back in my body for the first time in ages. I started to remember being a little girl, when I was just happy with life, and my surroundings. I realised that holding on to that moment had the most profound effect on me.
The next day, I dropped into one of my favourite shops, The Chrystal Shop in Bury St Edmunds. The energy from all the different crystals is almost tangible, and as soon as a friend and I walked in we felt it. Cosmo, the owner, asked me how I was doing. With a huge sigh I found myself sitting on the floor telling him about the blocks in my life, my quest to falling in love with myself and the boredom of attracting people who seem to make it their vocation to emotionally attack me.
"They are just your mirrors, Lizzie. They just remind you that you don't like things about yourself". He handed me a pack of cards and asked me to pick one. As I closed my eyes I commented that I could see the colour red so strongly, as I pulled out my card and turned it over it was indeed bright red and the title was fire. Cosmo explained its meaning - letting go of elements in my past, that keep me back and accepting that I was about to go on the biggest change in my life yet.
Saturday brought the final leg of my adventure, I met up with a new friend, Laura. We met for the day at Ickworth House, over six hours we drank gallons of tea, and talked and talked and talked. We had briefly met in Norfolk last summer, but it seemed that the Universe wanted us to wait a while before we finally got together. It was worth the wait, we discovered the most extraordinary coincidences between us, and both agreed there was a reason why we had met. At times during the day we believed that something strange was going to happen. However, there were no arresting moments, although there seemed to be an understanding between us that we that made me feel as if Enid Blyton had moved into the realms of spirituality. We have already spoken again and we both know that there is so much more to come.
There are times when I love being someone else apart from Lizzie. Yesterday, I was Mummy and opening my beautiful homemade presents from my daughter was wonderful. The effort she had made in my card was so touching. Even my 18 year old son remembered. So thank you my gorgeous children who I love so much. Now I just have to love me.
I have been on a bit of a mini adventure in the last week, hence my lack of blogging. Whilst I have known for some time now that the key to happiness is to look within, I'm the plumber who has no trouble fixing other people leaks and dripping taps, yet at home...........!
Everywhere I look, I am reminded that I need to turn everything back on myself and discover who I really am. Even more scarily, according to those who already "get it", I have to learn to love myself!
Most of us know that there is no one in this world who can fill the void we might feel, that sense of something missing. I do know that we don't "need" someone, and I do know that we can't expect anyone to love us unless we can love ourselves first. Yes yes yes, I get that bit, but understanding how to love yourself is for me, akin to being told to learn ancient Hebrew without any books!
Still, I guess it was a start just understanding that this was my task. I have an all knowing girlfriend in London who has learnt this language. This week, she explained in plain English what I needed to do.
"Once you get it Lizzie, it's like learning to drive, when you get the whole steering wheel,pedals,gear thing - you never forget"! Well, that's good news, I mused, just need to find the right formula. But, as I'm digesting this, something struck a cord. My friend tells me I need to go back to a time when I felt like me, the real me. As I lay on the sofa, I felt the strangest feeling, it was as if I had landed back in my body for the first time in ages. I started to remember being a little girl, when I was just happy with life, and my surroundings. I realised that holding on to that moment had the most profound effect on me.
The next day, I dropped into one of my favourite shops, The Chrystal Shop in Bury St Edmunds. The energy from all the different crystals is almost tangible, and as soon as a friend and I walked in we felt it. Cosmo, the owner, asked me how I was doing. With a huge sigh I found myself sitting on the floor telling him about the blocks in my life, my quest to falling in love with myself and the boredom of attracting people who seem to make it their vocation to emotionally attack me.
"They are just your mirrors, Lizzie. They just remind you that you don't like things about yourself". He handed me a pack of cards and asked me to pick one. As I closed my eyes I commented that I could see the colour red so strongly, as I pulled out my card and turned it over it was indeed bright red and the title was fire. Cosmo explained its meaning - letting go of elements in my past, that keep me back and accepting that I was about to go on the biggest change in my life yet.
Saturday brought the final leg of my adventure, I met up with a new friend, Laura. We met for the day at Ickworth House, over six hours we drank gallons of tea, and talked and talked and talked. We had briefly met in Norfolk last summer, but it seemed that the Universe wanted us to wait a while before we finally got together. It was worth the wait, we discovered the most extraordinary coincidences between us, and both agreed there was a reason why we had met. At times during the day we believed that something strange was going to happen. However, there were no arresting moments, although there seemed to be an understanding between us that we that made me feel as if Enid Blyton had moved into the realms of spirituality. We have already spoken again and we both know that there is so much more to come.
There are times when I love being someone else apart from Lizzie. Yesterday, I was Mummy and opening my beautiful homemade presents from my daughter was wonderful. The effort she had made in my card was so touching. Even my 18 year old son remembered. So thank you my gorgeous children who I love so much. Now I just have to love me.
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