Good grief

It's been weeks and weeks now since I last wrote on here. I would love to say that my life has been hurtling along and has one big party.....hmmmm! Yes well back to reality, and as ever life has been the usual soap opera.

I have finally made the decision to file for divorce, I wish I could say that it was a considered decision but sadly I reached a point where I felt I had no choice. Letting go is one of my life lessons that I still struggle with, and yet it seems the Universe is hell bent on making sure I conquer this one.

I have finally realised that I deserve to be loved and cherished, to be appreciated and respected and if I cant have that then I am happy to just be with my children and enjoy life on my own.

Learning to love yourself is the hardest thing in the world to do and it was pointed out by an amazing healer I met that I have allowed too many people that I cared about to take energy away from me, to take a piece away from my heart leaving me with a gaping hole.

This healer told me to rise above them and recognise who I was and I finally got it! I GOT IT!! I made a decision to stop abusing my body and stopped smoking, and drinking coffee, started to eat well and load myself up with vitamins, and be kind to myself. I now only surround myself now with people who genuinely love and care about me, and it feels good!

I am gritting my teeth as I go through this, and when the waves of emotion hit me I have learnt to let it happen. Grieving is a process we all go through at some time in our lives. And you can only feel the fear and do it anyway. I have put off grieving my marriage for too long, and now its time to face up to it. I know I will have days when the pain will really bloody hurt. But, I also know that when I come out of this on the other side I will be a stronger and wiser soul.

I will have learnt more lessons to add to my life journal and I have to keep believing that one day I will find true love.